So, let’s see.  I’m walking, sort of.  Started putting weight on the foot about 2 months ago, am now using a cane.  Stepped down from Percoset to Vicoden, which I guess is a good thing but the percs were really nice.  Still need the pain-killers on shopping days, which I hate so I try not to do very often.  Technically I’m in physical therapy but I’ve only gone twice.  I need to call and make another appointment, which is why I’m here updating for the first time in months.  Makes perfect sense to me.  I am looking forward to the pool therapy, tho, especially since I can go in shorts and a tee.  Me + swimsuit = major fail.  Not happening.

I have my computer back in it’s rightful place.  Which is to say, I’m back at my disaster of a desk in the attic.  Perhaps not the brightest of ideas; the kitchen is two floors below me, the bathroom one.  I can’t walk up or down stairs without pain and *lots*of help from the handrails that are not exactly securely attached to the walls.  Wow, life is fun!!

My baby sister is getting married in June.  I volunteered for shawls and jewlery…which are not only not done, but for the most part not started.  I excel at procrastination, especially where there are soooo many other cool things to be doing!  Like watching Twitter!  Playing with virtual (fluff)Friends!  Staring out the window at the rain!  See, life is just so full of win.  I’ll get it all done, I almost always do, but I’m thinking the little pink happy pills are going to be the only reason I don’t stab someone with pointy needles…or, more likely, stab myself in the eye.

And, yes, I’m one of those “over-reactors” in the “mob” who’s done with Amazon.  Their press release gives no real answers while trying to placate only those who are paying attention.  A press release?  Really?  Why not just come clean on your own site, man up and admit to any problems and tell us exactly what you’re doing to make sure we feel good about spending money with you?  How about a public apology?  What about the authors whose books were de-ranked before all of this blew up?  How about explaining just how your programming is so fucked that one person could make such a huge mistake by accident?  Why is that “adult” tag that can completely de-rank a book there in the first place?   Why the hell are people making these kinds of changes to the underlying structure on a live fucking site to begin with??  No, I’m sorry.  There’s just too much that feels too much like a big corporation not giving a shit about the people who made them what they are.  I guess it shouldn’t be surprising, given how much they’ve grown and taken over, but I am disappointed.  I enjoyed the wishlist to keep track of stuff I wanted because I am QueenScatterbrain.  I loved the prices, of course.  I really loved the book recommendations and had purchased quite a few based solely on that and the user reviews, and not once was I disappointed.  I will miss all of that but I simply can’t give my money to a company who so completely disrespects me as a customer.  #AmazonFail, indeed.  I’ll be buying my almost $500 (probably over, without those prices) in camera equipment, not to mention hundreds in books, somewhere else.

Now that I’ve updated, I’ve got more procrastinating to do.  See you…whenever.

1. Cry :: me a fucking river. The shit people (generally fucking fundy women) get their panties all in a twist about drives me insane. :stfu:.
2. Stretch :: marks. On my toes. Yeah, my foot was that swollen.
3. Efficient :: uhhhh, what’s that mean?? I’m sure I have no idea…
4. Brunch :: Mimosas!!
5. Afro :: BrotherDanesi as a child when he let his hair grow LOL
6. Preheat :: oven. Damn, now I want biscuits!!
7. Delicious :: see Brunch
8. Global warming :: *sigh* Ok, I’m totally in the middle of the “Oh my god the planet is dying and it’s all our fauullt!” and the “Christ you people are stupid”. Yes, the climate is changing. Yes, we probably have had at least some impact on this. However, the earth goes thru these stages all on it’s own and frankly I don’t think humanity is so all-important that we’ve done as much harm as some think. Do we need to be more environmentally aware? Absolutely! That only makes sense but, dude, get the fuck over yourselves. We need to do it because humanity in general is entirely too short sighted. However, having said all that, if people want to keep crying “OMGWTFBBQ GLOBAL WARMING” all over the place I say it’s probably not a bad thing if it gets people to start being more environmentally aware. It needs to happen and if this is what it takes, then so be it.
9. Actions :: speak louder than words.
10. Ride :: me like a pony Heh, I wish…

So, foot surgery. MrDanesi says it was five hours, I seem to dimly recall one of the surgeons saying four. Whatever, it was long and apparently very involved. One of the surgeons, a very funny and handsome young man, had a lot of fun telling me just how hard it was to get the bones back into place. Apparently it took all three of them, with rods in place for leverage, and all of their strength to get the main joint to go back. They said there was a lovely, resounding, “POP” when it did…something I’m not sure I needed to know. They say they didn’t need to do as much fusing as they feared, only two joints at the middle. The rest is being held in place by six screws, three rods, a plate, and various wires. Yes, I have the x-rays

The hospital stay was…a hospital stay. The place itself is really nice, the nicest hospital I’ve ever been in. It is, of course, a very Catholic place and very tastefully decorated as such. This bugged the shit outta MrDanesi, me I just sort of let what the images and statues meant just slide by me and enjoyed the fact that it was at least pretty I especially love all the stained glass…tho, to be honest, it does bug me that soooo much money had to have been spent on decorations alone. Still, the staff have all seemed very pleasant and the equipment is top-notch, so I’m not going to complain much. MrDanesi and I had a lot of fun discussing how the place would be perfect for a Resident Evil type setting – the gorgeousness of the scenery would just be so utterly, awesomely, creepified. Yes, we’re twisted like that

The first night sucked. I don’t know if the orders were screwed up or if the night nurse was just a complete moron but I waited for nearly four hours in the middle of the night, crying in agony, for someone to come give me my goddamned pain meds. I even posted (with my Treo, of course ) to my :lsg: peeps on Ravelry to get my mind off things (and thank you all SO much for responding and making me laugh!). Not cool. And we won’t even discuss the humiliation that is a bedpan. You know, until now I didn’t actually know how these things worked. Now I wished I still didn’t.

After that, tho, it wasn’t so bad. The pain meds started getting taken care of regularly and even the food was good. Srsly! My Treo kept me sane. I did bring knitting but was in no shape to actually attempt anything other than bringing it out and petting it. Instead I lost many games of Uno and Solitaire and slept a lot.

I ended up staying two nights because my pain wasn’t controlled enough for my head podiatrist to be comfortable sending me home. Have I mentioned how much I love my podiatrist team? They are seriously the best ever. They’re so kind and funny, great about answering any and all questions with no snark or condescension, extremely competent…I just can’t say enough about them. There was some concern because the feeling in my toes had come back and then gone away again. I’d had a spinal during surgery so the docs and nurses kept telling me this was no real cause for concern, it sometimes happens. But there was also a pocket of swelling at the base of my toes that hurt like fire when touched. The head podiatrist came in, looked and poked (gently) and asked me to come in to her office the day after I was released. It was a Friday and she said that even though she couldn’t see any real reason for concern she wanted to be safe, said she wouldn’t sleep over the weekend unless she saw me. How fucking cool is that?

I have now had two follow-up visits, that first one included, and they seem to be pleased with how everything is healing. Me, I’m still a little freaked out by how my foot looks. Those rods? They’re sticking out of my foot!! I didn’t expect that! I didn’t really know what to expect, granted, but that sight was almost too much. And the incisions…four total, one almost the length of my foot. My mind keeps telling me, “Well, DUH!” but still…the Frankenstein look is a bit much to take in. The rods will come out, I can’t remember if they said when but I’ll be asking at my next follow-up tomorrow, but the screws may well stay. The handsome one said that unless they start to bother me there’s no real reason for them to come out and they’re not at all sure the foot will stay stable without them.

My :fil: keeps reminding me that I’ll be able to predict the weather now and the nurse that came to our house says I’m pretty much guaranteed to have arthritis in that foot. Christ on a fucking cracker, all I did was miss one lousy fucking stair! I’ve been hearing how common this is, tho, from my docs…and how much worse it could have been. I know I should consider myself lucky but sometimes I just can’t get my head around it. Usually when it’s still an hour before I can take another Perc and I can feel every incision and piece of metal in my foot and they all HURT.

To my doc’s eternal dismay, I’m still not great with the crutches. I’m up to a total of four falls now, tho the last was more of a controlled letting myself down and didn’t affect my foot at all. My balance has been seriously fucked for a while now, I think because of the hyst and hormone crap that caused, so I have to seriously concentrate when I’m trying to get around. Problem is, my mind just doesn’t work that way. Thoughts ramble thru my head about any and everything…except what I’m doing. I get distracted and the next thing I know I’ve overbalanced some how and having to grab whatever’s closest to steady myself. I’m working on it but it’s not easy to just tell my head to :stfu:. I did learn how to go up and down stairs in the hospital and I can do it, tho I don’t very often. The stairs in our house are so narrow and steep I’m just too afraid. I have gone down but I don’t know that I’ll ever attempt up. It helps when we have to go somewhere tho, I can get up and down the three steps from the porch to the front walk on my own instead of MrDanesi having to carry me. Not that we don’t both enjoy that, but all it would take is one misstep on his part and…well, let’s not think about that.

I wish I had more to talk about but right now my foot’s pretty much all there is. I’m sure there’s other stuff out there, and I’ll get to it eventually, but being essentially stuck in one room (with occasional forays to the living room) kinda puts a serious crimp in your blogging fodder. One last thing I will add – I have created a page with pictures of my foot. Please, for the love of whatever you consider good and decent, do NOT click if you are squeamish or just going to tell me how fucked up I am for putting them up. They’re up for the sake of my friends and family who have asked to see them, and for those who are just curious as hell (like I would be), so here ya go.

1. Crankiness :: is a fucked up foot.
2. Backpack :: mountains. Waaahhh!
3. Clone :: can you clone a foot?
4. High ground :: ACK! NO!
5. Dreams :: lately they’ve been about babies. I don’t get it. Can’t have them, don’t really want another…I think it’s all kittywhumpus’s fault
6. Lovingly :: wash my hair for me. Ahhh…bliss!
7. Mistake :: stairs. ‘Nuff said.
8. Carson :: Street! Damn, won’t be able to walk it again soon…
9. Errand :: Ouch. Even the wheelchair makes my foot hurt so much errands are a major :pita:
10. Dozen :: baker’s. Cupcakes. Hmm, might have to have MrDanesi stop after work

I know you’re just dying to hear more about my foot“sack of meat with some bones floating around”, right? Well, pretend. Surgery is scheduled for Monday, I had a CT today. I’m actually extremely happy about this! Like I’ve been telling everyone, the pain and everything I’ll have to deal with after surgery is going to suck but I prefer that because it means I’m on my way to healing. This pain I’m in now is useless, all it means is I’m a klutz who missed one lousy damned stair. There’s no healing going on here, it’s just all pain and that makes it all the worse to deal with. Not even the good drugs help much with that part.

It doesn’t help that they put me in a new splint at my last appointment. Remember how I said I fell twice? Well one of those managed to break the plaster on the last splint, right at the heel (the weakest part) so it no longer offered any support at all. I ended up taking the damned thing off and re-wrapping my foot in just the ace bandage because it just put too much pressure on my foot, the plaster actually pulled on my foot and made the pain ten times worse. The doctors were not at all pleased and told me I have to keep this one on. I was more than happy to comply, it actually feels better to have that support, except that this damned splint is almost worse! They didn’t set up the plaster very well so my foot/ankle is actually held crooked. They put no padding in it at all so my heel is being pressed hard into a space that is shaped all wrong and it fucking HURTS! Isn’t the pain from the injury enough?? I have to deal with this, too? I’ve unwrapped and rewrapped this thing a billion times and it always feels better for a little while, then my ankle and heel start killing me again. My guess is they feel better at first because of the relief of having it off for that little bit.

Well, last night I had a brain surge or something. I’d been trying to pad the plaster around the heel and ankle, putting bits of gauze and even a sock between the plaster and those parts of my foot, and then re-wrapping very carefully but it just never worked quite right. Either the padding wasn’t enough, the funkiness of the shape of the plaster made the padding useless, or the padding was situated so that there was an obvious “line” where it ended that I just couldn’t stand the feeling of on top of the pain. Last night I had the idea to pad the whole thing, wrap something around the whole of the plaster bit, or at least the part that’s directly on my foot and ankle. I figured this way I could negate the odd shaping and still have the support. Then I started thinking about what to use for the padding – it had to be something long and fairly skinny, like an ace bandage, and it had to be soft. The idea of knitting something came to mind but I knew I wouldn’t be able to get it done very quickly (for all that it would be idiot simple, I’m just not that fast), but then it occured to me that what I was imagining was essentially a skinny scarf. Well, I have one of those, my Georgiana It’s not all that skinny but it’s knit in a super soft yarn that I love. I wrapped it around the plaster where my foot actually sits, making sure to get it as even as possible. It means everything is much bulkier but I’ll take that in return for my foot being almost comfortable! I mean, it still hurts like a bitch but it’s the “normal” pain, not that horrible combination. We’ll just have to see how much this pisses off the doctor…and then I’ll tell her to fuck off. If they’d done it properly in the first place I’d've gladly left it alone!

Had the appointment with the podiatrist on Thursday and was told that essentially I “don’t have a foot, it’s a sack of meat with some bones floating around”. Lovely visual, no? Every bone in my foot, except the toes, is so severely out of place that it’s pretty much a guarantee that every ligament is torn. Because of the extent of the damage they will have to fuse the joint together which means losing some of the “balancing” function. Ladders and step stools will join stairs on my Evil Shit To Be Avoided list. Plus it means either one reeeaaallllyy long surgery or a minimum of two shorter ones, in addition to the one to take out the screws. I will be in a cast for at least two months, possibly up to four if I heal slowly. We did not schedule surgery as the swelling has not gone down sufficiently.

I got a new splint that weighs approximately one metric fuck ton (yes, it is my favorite expression for a great lot of weight. shut up.) which in turn has led to my overbalancing on the goddamned crutches and falling. Joyous. Wonder what that has done for the swelling? Guess I’ll find out on Thursday.

On the bright side, I do have the coolest gadget :em:ever:/em:. I still can’t quite believe someone’s not going to come knock on the door and pry it out of my hands because I just don’t need or deserve it. I am more in love with this cute little thing than I have ever been with any other gadget I’ve ever owned…and that’s saying something for a complete gadget whore It’s funny, I am not normally an early adopter, I know exactly how buggy shit is when it first comes out! This thing just got under my skin for some reason.

MrDanesi wins lifetime achievement points for Best Husband Award this and everything he did this past weekend. We had to do some major shopping for me since our row house is so far from handicap-accessible it’s really fucking scary. And yeah, it’s so not cool to think of my own self in those terms. I might be a lazy bitch but at least I could do stuff if I :em:wanted:/em: to! So, we had to get a bed to set up in the “craft” room (actually more of a craft stuff storage/guest room until now) since the only extra bed we had was an air mattress, plus do the regular shopping, all around GirlDanesi’s birthday date night with her boyfriend. Thankfully said boyfriend had access to a free wheelchair (belonged to a grandmother who has passed), which wins him major points from us (we actually really like him, wheelchair aside ). MrDanesi pushed my fat ass all over :sa:, :wally:, and a mall whose designers very obviously think if you don’t have two functioning legs you don’t have money, either. Fuckers didn’t have easily accessible elevators and to get from the second floor to the third all they have is a long-ass, :em:carpeted:/em: slanted floor. Unreal. He pushed me up the whole damned thing.

Then he and the kids, boyfriend included, got to bring everything in. Wouldn’t have been too bad except we scored for an entire kids’ bedroom set at :sa: – twin bed (frame and mattress), small entertainment center-type thing, small six-drawer dresser, and small two-drawer night stand for $150! He had to make three trips to get it all :em:and:/em: be the one doing the majority of setting-up and supervising. He even washed my hair for me since I can’t yet get into and out of the tub/shower. All this on top of everything he has to do since I can’t and a hellaciously busy and demanding new job. The kids are a big help but still, mostly it falls on him. Especially the stress…

The upside for me is I now have a really great room! All my craft stuff has been in here for a while with the door closed to keep it away from curious kittehs, now I’m surrounded by it all It’s crowded and the table is mostly taken up by my computer but some organizing with the kids’ help will get me a great space to convalesce and not be bored out of my mind I’m actually kind of excited about it, all the creative possibilities.

…Wow, posting by phone is a tad time consuming LOL MrDanesi says this is the nerdiest thing he’s ever seen me do – I’m on the bed with my foot propped up typing this…my computer is literally maybe two feet from me but inaccessible until the pain pills kick in as I can’t sit at it. Hooray for technology and wonderful husbands!

(yes…it has almost killed the battery LOL)

I’ve got a schedule down pretty good – the Ibuprofen (800mg) is every four hours, on the dot. The Oxycodone (5 mg) is every six, on the dot. This morning I woke up in time for the Oxy but had missed the Ibu. I’m setting alarms for myself now.

Oh, but it gets better. I misunderstood MrDanesi’s IM from yesterday. I thought my appointment with the podiatrist was today…it’s not. It’s Thursday. I want to cry again! Ok, I did cry. That appointment is when the surgery will be scheduled and even tho I know, intellectually, that it’s not really going to help the pain I just want it to happen already. I’ve had surgery before (this will be my fourth…I think I get frequent flyer miles or something out of this, right?) so I know to some degree how painkillers will work afterwards. I mean, it can’t be worse than this, right? Please, :fsm:, tell me it won’t be worse than this…

Imagine the scene – it’s about 10 on a beautiful Saturday night. MrDanesi leaves to take home a friend of BoyDanesi’s and pick up GirlDanesi from work. I opt to stay home, work on my craft room some more, get a chair up there. The chair I’m going to be using for now is just a folding chair but it’s the best we have and it’ll do fine for now with the pillow I intend to use (with a hand-knit cover made by me, of course). All I have to do is go out back and grab it as it’s one of several we have in the gazebo.

For the first time in about two years I proceed down a set of stairs without holding on to the rail. This has become habit as I’ve developed a rather nasty tendency to fall/slip down stairs on a regular basis and I can’t tell you why I didn’t do it this time, other than maybe some sense of not liking to admit I can’t do something as simple as walk down a single flight of stairs.

You see where this is going, right?

It’s dark, I’m enjoying the night, looking at the alley and the houses behind us in the moonlight. I’m feeling good, content, happy to be out in the night air when I completely miss the last stair. Just miss it. I step down and out just that little bit too far and suddenly I’m on the ground fighting not to scream and/or puke. I pull my left foot to my chest and realize oh shit, it’s not supposed to bend like that is it?. The thought goes thru my mind that had I had a video camera on me this could very well be my very own Scarred story.

When I can breathe somewhat normally again I start to realize I’m outside in the back yard and I’ve closed the back door. The windows are open but I’m not entirely sure how the hell I’m going to get anyone to realize I’m out there, I’m not at all sure I can call out loud enough when everyone comes home. I know there is absolutely no chance I can put weight on my foot, as well as I know there’s also no way I’m getting back up those damned stairs on one leg. I decide to sort of crab-walk my way backwards up the stairs, placing my left leg on top of my bent right leg to keep it as immobile as I can.

I manage to get thru the back door, slide across the kitchen floor on my butt (realizing exactly how disgusting the floor is as I go), crab-walk to the couch, and pull myself up. At this point I can see my foot clearly and I’m pretty sure it’s broken. There are no bones sticking out or anything but there is something very definitely wrong. There is a large swelling on the top and it seems to be bent to the left.

I spend an eternity stretched out on the couch, my left foot propped up on the arm, my dog sitting over me as I cry out in agony.

When everyone finally gets home GirlDanesi is the first thru the door. She takes one look at me, asks if I’m ok, and runs back out the door calling for MrDanesi when I choke out, “No, I think I’ve broken my foot.”

The trip to the ER wasn’t nearly as bad I feared it would be. I was in agonizing pain the entire time but once they got me into a wheelchair and I could keep my foot elevated to some degree and stable I could at least concentrate on the knitting I brought with me. I’ve gotten good at breathing thru pain because of my past “female issues” and I managed to keep that up thru the check in and inevitable wait. The x-ray was by far the worst of it, getting my foot into the three positions the nurse wanted hurt worse than the actual fall had and if the table hadn’t been metal I’m sure I would have torn holes in it as I was writhing and grasping at anything I could.

It’s never a comfortable thing to have a nurse look at any part of you and tell you she’s never seen anything like that but not nearly as bad as having an ER doctor tell you he can’t remember the last time he’s seen an injury like that.

So it turns out I have something called a Lisfranc fracture, I’ve essentially severely dislocated the joint in the middle of my foot. Did you know there’s a joint there? I do now! I’ll have to have surgery and will likely be unable to use that foot “for several months”. At the moment the foot is in a splint, waiting for the swelling to go down to make the surgery possible. I have an appointment with a podiatrist tomorrow where we will schedule said surgery and get a referral to the Home Health people who will come in to the house to see if there’s any help they can offer.

Here’s the hellish part – we live in a row house. Three floors not including the basement (which is GirlDanesi’s domain so I don’t need to worry about that). Our bedroom? On the third floor, of course. The only bathroom? On the second floor. Of course. The only rooms on the second floor are BoyDanesi’s bedroom and the craft room, neither of which is (or can easily be) set up for convalescence.

As of right now I’m set up on the couch. GirlDanesi brought down and set up my computer here, utilizing the coffee table and two side tables to do so. My damned crutches are perched at the end of the couch where I can reach them to be used to take the three or so “steps” to the stairs I have to crawl up to get to the bathroom. Do you want to know how humiliating it is to literally crawl, on your hands and knees, into your bathroom and have to use the toilet itself to lever yourself up to take a piss? And then slide down, oh-so carefully, back onto your knees to make your way back to the stairs to slide down, again oh-so slowly and carefully, back to the crutches you had to leave there because there’s no damned way to crawl up a flight of stairs and carry them.

Oxycodone and Ibuprofen are keeping me from tearing my hair out but it doesn’t take the pain completely away. The doctor did warn me about that so at least I was prepared…but it still FUCKING SUCKS. I can’t find a position that’s comfortable for more than a few minutes. Hell, I can’t even get myself a snack because I’m too wobbly on one foot. I know, I know, that’s what my family is for and they’ve been really wonderful. It still sucks and this is just the beginning.

All because of one lousy stair.