Had the appointment with the podiatrist on Thursday and was told that essentially I “don’t have a foot, it’s a sack of meat with some bones floating around”. Lovely visual, no? Every bone in my foot, except the toes, is so severely out of place that it’s pretty much a guarantee that every ligament is torn. Because of the extent of the damage they will have to fuse the joint together which means losing some of the “balancing” function. Ladders and step stools will join stairs on my Evil Shit To Be Avoided list. Plus it means either one reeeaaallllyy long surgery or a minimum of two shorter ones, in addition to the one to take out the screws. I will be in a cast for at least two months, possibly up to four if I heal slowly. We did not schedule surgery as the swelling has not gone down sufficiently.

I got a new splint that weighs approximately one metric fuck ton (yes, it is my favorite expression for a great lot of weight. shut up.) which in turn has led to my overbalancing on the goddamned crutches and falling. Joyous. Wonder what that has done for the swelling? Guess I’ll find out on Thursday.

On the bright side, I do have the coolest gadget :em:ever:/em:. I still can’t quite believe someone’s not going to come knock on the door and pry it out of my hands because I just don’t need or deserve it. I am more in love with this cute little thing than I have ever been with any other gadget I’ve ever owned…and that’s saying something for a complete gadget whore It’s funny, I am not normally an early adopter, I know exactly how buggy shit is when it first comes out! This thing just got under my skin for some reason.

MrDanesi wins lifetime achievement points for Best Husband Award this and everything he did this past weekend. We had to do some major shopping for me since our row house is so far from handicap-accessible it’s really fucking scary. And yeah, it’s so not cool to think of my own self in those terms. I might be a lazy bitch but at least I could do stuff if I :em:wanted:/em: to! So, we had to get a bed to set up in the “craft” room (actually more of a craft stuff storage/guest room until now) since the only extra bed we had was an air mattress, plus do the regular shopping, all around GirlDanesi’s birthday date night with her boyfriend. Thankfully said boyfriend had access to a free wheelchair (belonged to a grandmother who has passed), which wins him major points from us (we actually really like him, wheelchair aside ). MrDanesi pushed my fat ass all over :sa:, :wally:, and a mall whose designers very obviously think if you don’t have two functioning legs you don’t have money, either. Fuckers didn’t have easily accessible elevators and to get from the second floor to the third all they have is a long-ass, :em:carpeted:/em: slanted floor. Unreal. He pushed me up the whole damned thing.

Then he and the kids, boyfriend included, got to bring everything in. Wouldn’t have been too bad except we scored for an entire kids’ bedroom set at :sa: – twin bed (frame and mattress), small entertainment center-type thing, small six-drawer dresser, and small two-drawer night stand for $150! He had to make three trips to get it all :em:and:/em: be the one doing the majority of setting-up and supervising. He even washed my hair for me since I can’t yet get into and out of the tub/shower. All this on top of everything he has to do since I can’t and a hellaciously busy and demanding new job. The kids are a big help but still, mostly it falls on him. Especially the stress…

The upside for me is I now have a really great room! All my craft stuff has been in here for a while with the door closed to keep it away from curious kittehs, now I’m surrounded by it all It’s crowded and the table is mostly taken up by my computer but some organizing with the kids’ help will get me a great space to convalesce and not be bored out of my mind I’m actually kind of excited about it, all the creative possibilities.

…Wow, posting by phone is a tad time consuming LOL MrDanesi says this is the nerdiest thing he’s ever seen me do – I’m on the bed with my foot propped up typing this…my computer is literally maybe two feet from me but inaccessible until the pain pills kick in as I can’t sit at it. Hooray for technology and wonderful husbands!

(yes…it has almost killed the battery LOL)

1. Flicker :: candlelight
2. Styling :: hair. I needz it (the styling, not the hair ).
3. Episode :: I – The Phantom Menace. :WTF:?? Dude, that movie sucked!
4. Sexier :: than me. hmmm….
5. Studious :: desk, window, books, head bent over a page of writing
6. Mushroom :: yummy!!
7. 8 minutes :: to go. Til what? I have no idea.
8. Bald :: Tally
9. Immunity :: those fuckers in DC
10. Sectioned :: orange. Mmmm…oranges…

I had it brought home to me last night (well, early this morning) just why I can’t keep friends. Not that I’ve made any recently to keep, but that’s a whole other story. I guess I’m just a selfish bitch. Until last night I honestly hadn’t realized it had been, like, 6 months since I’d talked to a woman I’ve been friends with for several years. Seven, I think? We used to chat all the time on Yahoo then things got crowded at her place and it just didn’t happen as much. Last night I got a very short email, two actually, full of apologies for doing something wrong and with a definite tone of giving up, talking about a blog we used to share and her personal blog (which I set up on my server) as if she felt like I didn’t want her using them. Which I can see since I’ve been completely lax about keeping up either of them. Because I suck.

What really hit me, tho, was that she thought she had done something wrong. I guess maybe that could be her just putting too much into things but, honestly, when I haven’t gotten in touch what else would she think? After I got her emails (and sent off my own, full of updates and explanations of my own) I went thru past emails (yes, I am a packrat. Even on the computer.) and realized I don’t think I ever responded to her last email to me. At least, I can’t find my reply. The date stamp on her email is 1/28/2008 8:18 PM. Dude, that’s January! I was truly floored. How could I seriously have not realized that? What the hell is wrong with my head? Or my heart for that matter! What’s worse, for me, is that I only vaguely remember getting the email and I don’t remember replying at all. I just don’t. What the hell is wrong with me? I remember loving the pictures she sent and thinking how awesome it was that she’s going back to school…did I seriously not actually say those things? Do I suck that badly?

More and more these days I’m afraid of what’s going on, or not going on, in my own head. I’ve always been QueenScatterbrain but lately I can’t keep anything straight. I lose time. If it’s not written down somewhere prominent I will not remember it, no matter how important. And by prominent I mean somewhere I can’t miss it, like post-it notes everywhere. I have a calendar on my computer but cannot remember to check it. I have a day runner but can’t remember to check that, either. Or even to update it for that matter. I have alarms and schedules set up on my phone but I’m forever leaving it laying around and forgetting where it’s at. There’s a calendar hanging on the wall downstairs but that only works if you remember to write things on it! Grocery lists, I keep them…but never manage to remember to bring them to the store.

The code behind this site? Yeah, I did it. All of it. Which makes me sound cool except that I started working on it again yesterday and spent over an hour trying to remember what I had done and how. It’d been less than a week since I last looked at it. I have notes on what I was thinking…somewhere. :FSM: only knows where at this point, I certainly don’t.

I know, I know. Getting older sucks. But this…I don’t know. MrDanesi could ask me to do something just before he leaves for work, as he’s walking out the door, and by the time I’ve walked back to the kitchen I’ve completely forgotten it. Doesn’t matter how important it is. I know GirlDanesi told me last night what time she works today…I have no idea what she said now. As I type all this I’m trying to remember MrDanesi’s birthday (he was pointing out something he wants the other day…no idea what now) and I don’t know what it is. I know it’s next month…early in the month…

Or maybe it’s not that I can’t remember, maybe it’s just that I live so much in my own mind that outside things just sort of float by me. Wow, isn’t that the height of self-centeredness? When did that happen? It’s not like I don’t care. Sometimes I think I care too much, and generally about the wrong things (like what people think). Maybe my priorities have just gotten all screwed up. I just don’t know at this point but it does bother me. The thing is, I don’t know what to do about it.

I need to get involved with something outside the house, that’s for sure. I need to get over worrying about the damned white trash neighbors and take the dog for more walks. I need to maybe find a good knitting group I feel comfortable with. I need something with little pressure since I do not do pressure, I’ll just walk away before I let someone or something else pressure me to get something done. Deadlines and I do not get along well. Never have. It’s one of the reasons I’m grateful every damn day that MrDanesi doesn’t see a need for me to get a job.

I certainly need to blog more!

Actually, one of the biggest things I need (and have needed for a long while now) is to get more organized. This means getting rid of a metric fuck-ton of crap, organizing what’s left, and setting up some sort of system of reminders that will work for me. The first step in getting rid of crap has been taken, I joined the local Freecycle group. Now I just have to start posting offers… I’ve got a good start on organizing the craft room thanks to a large Ikea shelf but the office area still needs some serious work. The rest of the house…well, still working that out. We just have so little storage space at all. Shelves are very high on the priority list when we get some money, that will help a lot. Having stuff just sort of piled up everywhere drives me a little insane, that’s probably at least a little of my issues right now. If nothing’s really organized in my home, and I can’t do much more about it, it directly impacts my mind-set and how I deal with everything else. I feel cramped and blocked in by crap. Even if it’s not really “crap”.

As for reminders…sigh. Wanna know my big idea? This.

I know, retarded right? It’s insane…but me wanty soooo bad! Calendar right there, I can add to it right way. Write notes to myself whenever I need to. Hell, talk to myself and remember what I said! Keep grocery lists right there. Knitting patterns! General crafty-type ideas all in one place and accessible. GPS so I don’t have to be so afraid of getting lost since after two years I still drive around feeling completely turned around most of the time. Yeah, ok, and I’m a complete gadget whore. It’s too fucking expensive and a data plan means cutting my own spending money to almost nil…but, I want it. I want it so bad I find myself reaching for it to add to the grocery list. I dream about the damned thing. I do need a new phone, mine is crap to the point of almost being unusable. And my birthday is coming up. Or I could save for this in, oh, 3 months or so. I could get rid of all the various calendars and notebooks I have laying around. I can justify this thing in a million different ways but deep down…I just want it.

Oh, and just for your amusement:
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As a 1930s wife, I am
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