My mommy sent me flowers

This post made possible by Postmaster and my Treo 800w

~Carina 2008 August 8 | 1 comment

Murphy’s an asshole, but sometimes he leaves a silver lining

craft room, kids, Lisfranc fracture, MrDanesi, Treo 800w

So I got my Treo, which is actually how this is being posted My old phone just died on me so this purchase got bumped up in priority. Not that I’m complaining, I needed some bright spot.

Had the appointment with the podiatrist on Thursday and was told that essentially I “don’t have a foot, it’s a sack of meat with some bones floating around”. Lovely visual, no? Every bone in my foot, except the toes, is so severely out of place that it’s pretty much a guarantee that every ligament is torn. Because of the extent of the damage they will have to fuse the joint together which means losing some of the “balancing” function. Ladders and step stools will join stairs on my Evil Shit To Be Avoided list. Plus it means either one reeeaaallllyy long surgery or a minimum of two shorter ones, in addition to the one to take out the screws. I will be in a cast for at least two months, possibly up to four if I heal slowly. We did not schedule surgery as the swelling has not gone down sufficiently.

I got a new splint that weighs approximately one metric fuck ton (yes, it is my favorite expression for a great lot of weight. shut up.) which in turn has led to my overbalancing on the goddamned crutches and falling. Joyous. Wonder what that has done for the swelling? Guess I’ll find out on Thursday.

On the bright side, I do have the coolest gadget :em:ever:/em:. I still can’t quite believe someone’s not going to come knock on the door and pry it out of my hands because I just don’t need or deserve it. I am more in love with this cute little thing than I have ever been with any other gadget I’ve ever owned…and that’s saying something for a complete gadget whore It’s funny, I am not normally an early adopter, I know exactly how buggy shit is when it first comes out! This thing just got under my skin for some reason.

MrDanesi wins lifetime achievement points for Best Husband Award this and everything he did this past weekend. We had to do some major shopping for me since our row house is so far from handicap-accessible it’s really fucking scary. And yeah, it’s so not cool to think of my own self in those terms. I might be a lazy bitch but at least I could do stuff if I :em:wanted:/em: to! So, we had to get a bed to set up in the “craft” room (actually more of a craft stuff storage/guest room until now) since the only extra bed we had was an air mattress, plus do the regular shopping, all around GirlDanesi’s birthday date night with her boyfriend. Thankfully said boyfriend had access to a free wheelchair (belonged to a grandmother who has passed), which wins him major points from us (we actually really like him, wheelchair aside ). MrDanesi pushed my fat ass all over :sa:, :wally:, and a mall whose designers very obviously think if you don’t have two functioning legs you don’t have money, either. Fuckers didn’t have easily accessible elevators and to get from the second floor to the third all they have is a long-ass, :em:carpeted:/em: slanted floor. Unreal. He pushed me up the whole damned thing.

Then he and the kids, boyfriend included, got to bring everything in. Wouldn’t have been too bad except we scored for an entire kids’ bedroom set at :sa: – twin bed (frame and mattress), small entertainment center-type thing, small six-drawer dresser, and small two-drawer night stand for $150! He had to make three trips to get it all :em:and:/em: be the one doing the majority of setting-up and supervising. He even washed my hair for me since I can’t yet get into and out of the tub/shower. All this on top of everything he has to do since I can’t and a hellaciously busy and demanding new job. The kids are a big help but still, mostly it falls on him. Especially the stress…

The upside for me is I now have a really great room! All my craft stuff has been in here for a while with the door closed to keep it away from curious kittehs, now I’m surrounded by it all It’s crowded and the table is mostly taken up by my computer but some organizing with the kids’ help will get me a great space to convalesce and not be bored out of my mind I’m actually kind of excited about it, all the creative possibilities.

…Wow, posting by phone is a tad time consuming LOL MrDanesi says this is the nerdiest thing he’s ever seen me do – I’m on the bed with my foot propped up typing this…my computer is literally maybe two feet from me but inaccessible until the pain pills kick in as I can’t sit at it. Hooray for technology and wonderful husbands!

(yes…it has almost killed the battery LOL)

~Carina 2008 August 4 | no comments

I need a waaahhbulance

Lisfranc fracture

Woke up nearly screaming in pain. Oh yay! You would think managing to get some sleep would be a good thing, right? Well, not if it means missing taking a painkiller.

I’ve got a schedule down pretty good – the Ibuprofen (800mg) is every four hours, on the dot. The Oxycodone (5 mg) is every six, on the dot. This morning I woke up in time for the Oxy but had missed the Ibu. I’m setting alarms for myself now.

Oh, but it gets better. I misunderstood MrDanesi’s IM from yesterday. I thought my appointment with the podiatrist was today…it’s not. It’s Thursday. I want to cry again! Ok, I did cry. That appointment is when the surgery will be scheduled and even tho I know, intellectually, that it’s not really going to help the pain I just want it to happen already. I’ve had surgery before (this will be my fourth…I think I get frequent flyer miles or something out of this, right?) so I know to some degree how painkillers will work afterwards. I mean, it can’t be worse than this, right? Please, :fsm:, tell me it won’t be worse than this…

~Carina 2008 July 29 | no comments

The Stairs of DOOOOM

Lisfranc fracture, stupid stairs

are in my back yard.

Imagine the scene – it’s about 10 on a beautiful Saturday night. MrDanesi leaves to take home a friend of BoyDanesi’s and pick up GirlDanesi from work. I opt to stay home, work on my craft room some more, get a chair up there. The chair I’m going to be using for now is just a folding chair but it’s the best we have and it’ll do fine for now with the pillow I intend to use (with a hand-knit cover made by me, of course). All I have to do is go out back and grab it as it’s one of several we have in the gazebo.

For the first time in about two years I proceed down a set of stairs without holding on to the rail. This has become habit as I’ve developed a rather nasty tendency to fall/slip down stairs on a regular basis and I can’t tell you why I didn’t do it this time, other than maybe some sense of not liking to admit I can’t do something as simple as walk down a single flight of stairs.

You see where this is going, right?

It’s dark, I’m enjoying the night, looking at the alley and the houses behind us in the moonlight. I’m feeling good, content, happy to be out in the night air when I completely miss the last stair. Just miss it. I step down and out just that little bit too far and suddenly I’m on the ground fighting not to scream and/or puke. I pull my left foot to my chest and realize oh shit, it’s not supposed to bend like that is it?. The thought goes thru my mind that had I had a video camera on me this could very well be my very own Scarred story.

When I can breathe somewhat normally again I start to realize I’m outside in the back yard and I’ve closed the back door. The windows are open but I’m not entirely sure how the hell I’m going to get anyone to realize I’m out there, I’m not at all sure I can call out loud enough when everyone comes home. I know there is absolutely no chance I can put weight on my foot, as well as I know there’s also no way I’m getting back up those damned stairs on one leg. I decide to sort of crab-walk my way backwards up the stairs, placing my left leg on top of my bent right leg to keep it as immobile as I can.

I manage to get thru the back door, slide across the kitchen floor on my butt (realizing exactly how disgusting the floor is as I go), crab-walk to the couch, and pull myself up. At this point I can see my foot clearly and I’m pretty sure it’s broken. There are no bones sticking out or anything but there is something very definitely wrong. There is a large swelling on the top and it seems to be bent to the left.

I spend an eternity stretched out on the couch, my left foot propped up on the arm, my dog sitting over me as I cry out in agony.

When everyone finally gets home GirlDanesi is the first thru the door. She takes one look at me, asks if I’m ok, and runs back out the door calling for MrDanesi when I choke out, “No, I think I’ve broken my foot.”

The trip to the ER wasn’t nearly as bad I feared it would be. I was in agonizing pain the entire time but once they got me into a wheelchair and I could keep my foot elevated to some degree and stable I could at least concentrate on the knitting I brought with me. I’ve gotten good at breathing thru pain because of my past “female issues” and I managed to keep that up thru the check in and inevitable wait. The x-ray was by far the worst of it, getting my foot into the three positions the nurse wanted hurt worse than the actual fall had and if the table hadn’t been metal I’m sure I would have torn holes in it as I was writhing and grasping at anything I could.

It’s never a comfortable thing to have a nurse look at any part of you and tell you she’s never seen anything like that but not nearly as bad as having an ER doctor tell you he can’t remember the last time he’s seen an injury like that.

So it turns out I have something called a Lisfranc fracture, I’ve essentially severely dislocated the joint in the middle of my foot. Did you know there’s a joint there? I do now! I’ll have to have surgery and will likely be unable to use that foot “for several months”. At the moment the foot is in a splint, waiting for the swelling to go down to make the surgery possible. I have an appointment with a podiatrist tomorrow where we will schedule said surgery and get a referral to the Home Health people who will come in to the house to see if there’s any help they can offer.

Here’s the hellish part – we live in a row house. Three floors not including the basement (which is GirlDanesi’s domain so I don’t need to worry about that). Our bedroom? On the third floor, of course. The only bathroom? On the second floor. Of course. The only rooms on the second floor are BoyDanesi’s bedroom and the craft room, neither of which is (or can easily be) set up for convalescence.

As of right now I’m set up on the couch. GirlDanesi brought down and set up my computer here, utilizing the coffee table and two side tables to do so. My damned crutches are perched at the end of the couch where I can reach them to be used to take the three or so “steps” to the stairs I have to crawl up to get to the bathroom. Do you want to know how humiliating it is to literally crawl, on your hands and knees, into your bathroom and have to use the toilet itself to lever yourself up to take a piss? And then slide down, oh-so carefully, back onto your knees to make your way back to the stairs to slide down, again oh-so slowly and carefully, back to the crutches you had to leave there because there’s no damned way to crawl up a flight of stairs and carry them.

Oxycodone and Ibuprofen are keeping me from tearing my hair out but it doesn’t take the pain completely away. The doctor did warn me about that so at least I was prepared…but it still FUCKING SUCKS. I can’t find a position that’s comfortable for more than a few minutes. Hell, I can’t even get myself a snack because I’m too wobbly on one foot. I know, I know, that’s what my family is for and they’ve been really wonderful. It still sucks and this is just the beginning.

All because of one lousy stair.

~Carina 2008 July 29 | no comments

I live in my own mind

friendship, my mind, Treo 800w, Unconscious Mutterings

Unconscious Mutterings week 286

1. Flicker :: candlelight
2. Styling :: hair. I needz it (the styling, not the hair ).
3. Episode :: I – The Phantom Menace. :WTF:?? Dude, that movie sucked!
4. Sexier :: than me. hmmm….
5. Studious :: desk, window, books, head bent over a page of writing
6. Mushroom :: yummy!!
7. 8 minutes :: to go. Til what? I have no idea.
8. Bald :: Tally
9. Immunity :: those fuckers in DC
10. Sectioned :: orange. Mmmm…oranges…

I had it brought home to me last night (well, early this morning) just why I can’t keep friends. Not that I’ve made any recently to keep, but that’s a whole other story. I guess I’m just a selfish bitch. Until last night I honestly hadn’t realized it had been, like, 6 months since I’d talked to a woman I’ve been friends with for several years. Seven, I think? We used to chat all the time on Yahoo then things got crowded at her place and it just didn’t happen as much. Last night I got a very short email, two actually, full of apologies for doing something wrong and with a definite tone of giving up, talking about a blog we used to share and her personal blog (which I set up on my server) as if she felt like I didn’t want her using them. Which I can see since I’ve been completely lax about keeping up either of them. Because I suck.

What really hit me, tho, was that she thought she had done something wrong. I guess maybe that could be her just putting too much into things but, honestly, when I haven’t gotten in touch what else would she think? After I got her emails (and sent off my own, full of updates and explanations of my own) I went thru past emails (yes, I am a packrat. Even on the computer.) and realized I don’t think I ever responded to her last email to me. At least, I can’t find my reply. The date stamp on her email is 1/28/2008 8:18 PM. Dude, that’s January! I was truly floored. How could I seriously have not realized that? What the hell is wrong with my head? Or my heart for that matter! What’s worse, for me, is that I only vaguely remember getting the email and I don’t remember replying at all. I just don’t. What the hell is wrong with me? I remember loving the pictures she sent and thinking how awesome it was that she’s going back to school…did I seriously not actually say those things? Do I suck that badly?

More and more these days I’m afraid of what’s going on, or not going on, in my own head. I’ve always been QueenScatterbrain but lately I can’t keep anything straight. I lose time. If it’s not written down somewhere prominent I will not remember it, no matter how important. And by prominent I mean somewhere I can’t miss it, like post-it notes everywhere. I have a calendar on my computer but cannot remember to check it. I have a day runner but can’t remember to check that, either. Or even to update it for that matter. I have alarms and schedules set up on my phone but I’m forever leaving it laying around and forgetting where it’s at. There’s a calendar hanging on the wall downstairs but that only works if you remember to write things on it! Grocery lists, I keep them…but never manage to remember to bring them to the store.

The code behind this site? Yeah, I did it. All of it. Which makes me sound cool except that I started working on it again yesterday and spent over an hour trying to remember what I had done and how. It’d been less than a week since I last looked at it. I have notes on what I was thinking…somewhere. :FSM: only knows where at this point, I certainly don’t.

I know, I know. Getting older sucks. But this…I don’t know. MrDanesi could ask me to do something just before he leaves for work, as he’s walking out the door, and by the time I’ve walked back to the kitchen I’ve completely forgotten it. Doesn’t matter how important it is. I know GirlDanesi told me last night what time she works today…I have no idea what she said now. As I type all this I’m trying to remember MrDanesi’s birthday (he was pointing out something he wants the other day…no idea what now) and I don’t know what it is. I know it’s next month…early in the month…

Or maybe it’s not that I can’t remember, maybe it’s just that I live so much in my own mind that outside things just sort of float by me. Wow, isn’t that the height of self-centeredness? When did that happen? It’s not like I don’t care. Sometimes I think I care too much, and generally about the wrong things (like what people think). Maybe my priorities have just gotten all screwed up. I just don’t know at this point but it does bother me. The thing is, I don’t know what to do about it.

I need to get involved with something outside the house, that’s for sure. I need to get over worrying about the damned white trash neighbors and take the dog for more walks. I need to maybe find a good knitting group I feel comfortable with. I need something with little pressure since I do not do pressure, I’ll just walk away before I let someone or something else pressure me to get something done. Deadlines and I do not get along well. Never have. It’s one of the reasons I’m grateful every damn day that MrDanesi doesn’t see a need for me to get a job.

I certainly need to blog more!

Actually, one of the biggest things I need (and have needed for a long while now) is to get more organized. This means getting rid of a metric fuck-ton of crap, organizing what’s left, and setting up some sort of system of reminders that will work for me. The first step in getting rid of crap has been taken, I joined the local Freecycle group. Now I just have to start posting offers… I’ve got a good start on organizing the craft room thanks to a large Ikea shelf but the office area still needs some serious work. The rest of the house…well, still working that out. We just have so little storage space at all. Shelves are very high on the priority list when we get some money, that will help a lot. Having stuff just sort of piled up everywhere drives me a little insane, that’s probably at least a little of my issues right now. If nothing’s really organized in my home, and I can’t do much more about it, it directly impacts my mind-set and how I deal with everything else. I feel cramped and blocked in by crap. Even if it’s not really “crap”.

As for reminders…sigh. Wanna know my big idea? This.

I know, retarded right? It’s insane…but me wanty soooo bad! Calendar right there, I can add to it right way. Write notes to myself whenever I need to. Hell, talk to myself and remember what I said! Keep grocery lists right there. Knitting patterns! General crafty-type ideas all in one place and accessible. GPS so I don’t have to be so afraid of getting lost since after two years I still drive around feeling completely turned around most of the time. Yeah, ok, and I’m a complete gadget whore. It’s too fucking expensive and a data plan means cutting my own spending money to almost nil…but, I want it. I want it so bad I find myself reaching for it to add to the grocery list. I dream about the damned thing. I do need a new phone, mine is crap to the point of almost being unusable. And my birthday is coming up. Or I could save for this in, oh, 3 months or so. I could get rid of all the various calendars and notebooks I have laying around. I can justify this thing in a million different ways but deep down…I just want it.

Oh, and just for your amusement:
14
As a 1930s wife, I am
Very Poor (Failure)
Take the test!

~Carina 2008 July 24 | no comments